


Supersoldiers can't even get STIs

by Arokel



Series: Tumblr prompts [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M, because he did, don't pretend captain america didn't do vd propaganda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-08
Updated: 2015-05-08
Packaged: 2018-03-29 15:39:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3901729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arokel/pseuds/Arokel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because you know Steve did VD awareness work in the war, and you Tony would eat that shit up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Supersoldiers can't even get STIs

It doesn’t take very long for the rest of the Avengers to figure out about Steve and Bucky. The 21st century is good for a lot of things, and Bucky, especially, is determined to take advantage of all of them. And if that means that men kissing in public is accepted now, you can be damn sure that Bucky and Steve are going to be the most disgustingly handsy couple imaginable.

So it’s stopped being a surprise when someone finds them wrapped around each other in the middle of the kitchen, blocking the microwave or the refrigerator or the cupboard where Bruce keeps his tea. (Clint once joked that it’s a good thing Bruce isn’t homophobic, or else Steve might have had to fight off the hulk while sporting a hard-on. Steve did not find this as funny as Bucky did.)

Still, they try to keep it (mostly) appropriate, so it is at least a little surprising when Tony walks into the lounge and is immediately confronted with the sight of Steve Rogers with his hand down Bucky Barnes’ pants.

“Uh, wow, guys, that’s – you know this is a public space, right? Like, I get that you’re making up for lost pda or whatever, but there are other people in this tower. People who maybe were going to eat something later but won’t be able to get that picture out of their heads.” He considers for a moment. “Also, Steve, please don’t touch any of my furniture until you wash your hands.”

“Please,” Steve says, without removing his hand. Bucky looks vaguely amused by the situation, which is impressive because Tony doesn’t think he could be that calm if Captain America was touching his dick. “Like you and Pepper haven’t had sex on half of the furniture in this building.”

Tony doesn’t even have the grace to look apologetic. “Probably only about a quarter and it’s my furniture, but that’s beside the point. Steve, your bedroom is _literally down the hall_. But whatever, if you’re into the whole public sex thing, I’m the last person who’ll judge you.” He starts to leave, but evidently can’t restrain himself from tossing one more quip over his shoulder. “Make sure you wrap it up before you go any further! Safe sex is great sex.”

Steve rolls his eyes. “We did have stds in the forties, Tony. Back in the war –“

He clams up, face going red. Bucky helpfully chimes in with, “oh yeah, Steve knows lots about stds. He’s practically the poster –“

Steve tries to shut him up with a kiss, but Buck just pulls away, cackling. “You should look up –“ he cuts off with a gasp as Steve does something with his hand that Tony can only see a vague outline of. Tony has to admit it looks like a pretty good distraction tactic.

“Okay,” Tony says loudly, “I’m going to leave now. Have fun contaminating our _communal living space._ ” He leaves to the sound of Bucky’s laughter and Steve’s muffled protestations.

The next morning, Steve walks into the common area and comes face to face with a blown-up version of his face, with the words ‘be like Cap, wear a wrap!’ superimposed. At his outraged shout, Bucky comes racing into the room, only to double over with laughter at the sight.

Steve pouts. “It’s not funny, Bucky.”

“Um, yeah, it totally is,” Bucky says, still giggling occasionally. “At least they didn’t use the clap one.”

“Small mercies,” Steve grumbles. Tony sticks his head in the door.

“What’s this I hear about the clap? I’ve still got a couple of boxes of dad’s old Cap stuff to go through. Also, if I were you I might not go on the internet for a while.”

Steve groans and puts his head in his hands.

* * *

 

The first thing Bucky says when he enters Steve’s tent after being cleared by medical is, “I thought I was hallucinating.”

Steve’s chest aches. He can’t get the image of Bucky strapped to that table, deliriously reciting his name and serial number, out of his head. “I’m really here, Buck,” he says gently.

“Not that,” Bucky says, but his eyes are shadowed. Steve wants to talk about it, but that’s not how they operate. “My head’s pretty much clear now. I mean about the posters.”

“What posters?”

Bucky’s eyes go wide with glee. “You don’t know about the posters? Oh man, you’ve gotta come see.”

Steve’s stomach sinks further and further as they approach the lavatories, Bucky dragging him along excitedly. He really doesn’t need to know whatever it is about him that these men see while they’re peeing.

Bucky deposits him in front of the door to the lavatory tent and stands there proudly. The effect is kind of ruined by the way he’s trying to smother his laughter. “I saw them and I thought, nah, that can’t be Stevie, he’s got way too many muscles. But he looked so much like you…”

Steve tunes him out, because staring back at him is his own face, clad in that ridiculous cowl, looking stern and commanding. The poster seems to be exhorting soldiers to be careful about venereal disease, which is definitely a good thing to watch out for, but Steve isn’t exactly happy about being the poster boy for this particular campaign.

The worst part, though, is the fact that the poster proclaims, in bold red letters, IF YOU’VE GOT THE CLAP, YOU CAN’T STAND WITH CAP!

“Guess you should start wearing a rubber, huh?” Bucky gasps out.

“I’m going to kill them,” Steve says calmly. Bucky doubles over again.

“Come on, Steve, you’re saving lives! Some of them even have your face on the wrapper!”

“ _Someone_ won’t be needing a condom tonight,” Steve snaps.

Bucky sobers up quick at that. “Steve, come on, we haven’t seen each other in ages. You can’t do this to me.”

Steve sighs. “I might relent if you help me destroy all evidence of these.”

“There’ll be no trace of them,” Bucky promises. “Besides, who’s even gonna remember them after the war’s over?”

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me on [tumblr](arokel.tumblr.com)!


End file.
